Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize