i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
