Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
