This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
