You just made me feel so damn special
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my being single is dangerous.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
