And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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