I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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