D3 body, D1 cock
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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