He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
