I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
