Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
