She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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