Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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