He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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