he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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