My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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