I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
