your parents love me but you hate me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
