If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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