I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize