She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
