the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
