i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
