I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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