and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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