upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
