I love black thongs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
