I'm eating all of the evidence.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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