It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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