I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
