No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
