First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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