somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
