The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
