I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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