HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
