he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
