New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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