Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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