True but thats because hes a fetus.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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