I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
