My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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