nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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