im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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