is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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