you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize