You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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