Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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