in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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