More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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