Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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