I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
