I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
