i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
