Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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