i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
