Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize