Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
