I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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