He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
