Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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