her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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