Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
