i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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