The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
