I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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