For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
