i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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