sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
