Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
