I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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