I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
