i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
