We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
