ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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